034

March 25, 2015 keii4ii 6 Comments

Welcome to Keol, where cornrows = celibacy hair.

I am simultaneously pumped and terrified to finally share this chapter with you guys. Let me know what you think! Constructive feedback is welcome. Once the material is too old for critiques, I’ll remove this note. Until then, please feel free to post critiques in the comments.

6 Comments

Yeee! You’re back exactly when you said you’d beee!

I love the exposition and art as usual, but if I am to try to critique, I’d say that the box at the end thar explaining kinship terms is kind of liek… boop! Out of the blue. Like, before that, the narration was like one continuous voice, but the explain-the-kinship-terms box is like another voice suddenly piped in when we’re still listening for the first one. Kinda makes you blink. Might be better to put it in author comments or alt text to not break the flow. It looks pretty though. XD

You’re right! It looks like it should be a continuation of the narration, even though it’s not. I’m not sure about putting it in the comments because it’s a pretty important piece of information… Maybe I can delete it for now, and bring it up again in a narration-less chapter (specifically, the first time we see Danbi talk to these girls and call them “nuna”)? I think that might be a better place, as it is MUCH more likely to confuse people. ^^;

Now that already has made the plot thicken- at least character-wise!

What about dreadlocks, short hairs, or bald??

Not allowed! Or rather, seen as uncivilized (or unfortunate in case of actual baldness).

I really like the composition and flow of this sequence! And I really appreciate the soft lighting on Angdu’s face!